Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it’s one day further from the last time you saw each other, it’s one day closer to the next time you will

Nang mawala ka sakin, ikaw at ako'y nawalan:
Ako dahil ikaw ang minahal ko nang lubusan
at ikaw dahil ako ang iyoy lubusan minahal.
Nguni't sa dalawa ay ikaw ang higit na nawalan:
dahil pwede kong mahalin ang iba tulad ng pagmamahal ko sa iyo
nguni't ikay 'di mamahalin tulad ng kung paano kita minahal.

Ernesto Cardenal (1925)

Lourd de Veyra | Published: November 05, 2010


“St. Kevin taught me how/ John the boxer is braver now/ Phil the captain of the cause/ fight you fight for what is yours/ what is yours.” China Crisis’ “Highest High” was the first song I heard on NU 107. This was in 1987. At the time I had no idea who was singing it. As a high school freshman, I thought, “Who the hell is John the boxer?” I was intrigued. This sounded radically different from all the other songs about boxers that I’ve heard. Or from most songs for that matter (The only other one was by Simon and Garfunkel). The accent would have been familiar to those who listened to Spandau and Duran Duran. But the music was something else: the jangly guitar that would not quit, the synths beaming with a distinct sheen. It sounded like its immediate aim was not to please the way other songs seemed to, with their bright, pretty, and desperate pleads for melody. This song sounded like it came from another place, another dreamier, more airy soundscape. If you were weaned on WKC and MRS, this was another sensibility altogether, one that was many, many kilometers away.

That the station was on the far right on the dial of our old Sanyo karaoke machine made it easier to find, but also gave it a kind of forbidden edge. More songs followed, each one more throat-grabbing than the previous: “The people who grinned themselves to death/ They smiled so hard they failed to take a breath…” There was something about flaming swords, blisters in the sun, punctured bicycles on a hillside desolate, two rivers running, simple props to occupy time, when routine bites hard, Christine the strawberry girl Christine, whispers to a scream, two rivers running, this is absolute reality, the killing time unwillingly mine, I remember soldiers sitting next to me riding on the metro, in a chamber of hellos, you will never see you will never see Graceland, your gravity won’t let me go, I’m a dream and you’re fading away…

Then the names, brimming with such surreal poetry: Sisters of Mercy. Joy Division. The Mission. Wild Swans. Dead Milkmen. Modern English. Xmal Deutschland. Gang of Four. Aztec Camera. The Alarm. Lotus Eaters. Siouxsie and the Banshees. Wire Train. Icicle Works. This was a new hemisphere. The music was such that it was impossible to go back listening to the same things again. It was like a coven, an addiction that led to other addictions, musical and otherwise. See, it was more than just the music. Impatience was the general temper of that time. To an increasingly bored generation, this was a sort of wakeup call. Some of us grew our hair long, oftentimes in a single wavy length that covered the eyes and ear; some wore shoes that had two-inch soles, dual buckles, and a patch of leopard-printed fur. Some of us went further and discovered music that was way darker, angrier, more dangerous and occult. Some of us also never left. To begin with, sometimes it was more than just music—it was also a mental state, one you could revisit over and over again without injury to pleasure and authenticity.

This is to give a noble salute to NU 107, which, for most of the adult lives of several generations, has been the only radio station that played music that directly mattered to them. Look, I’m 35 years old; NU has been operating for 23 years. For much of my adult life, there’s always been a rock radio station (off-air only during Lent). Many of us might have taken issue with it over one point or another—playlists, tastes, and, well, playlists especially, which we many of the snobs and geniuses among us live to nitpick (“too commercial,” “sellout,” “mainstream rock,” “why are they not airing the demo of my band The Ragnarok Boyz?” “Creed for chrissakes?” etc). The NU107 of 2010 was not the same NU 107 of 1987, granted. But what we are not appreciating is the fact that it would have been easier for the lives of the people behind the station to play Air Supply and Michael Learns to Rock 24-7, or just about a more marketable, saleable repertoire for that matter. What we’re also forgetting is that a huge chunk of the OPM playlist in most FM stations right now are songs by bands—all of which got their start on NU.

We may have questioned the inclusion of many bands and even more songs. But for every Creed played, there will be a Fugazi or some Pavement (although the ratio would be tragic), or some Clash or Squarepusher thrown in during one of their specialty programs. Myrene Academia, NU 107’s coolest DJ ever, proposed that the last song before the station signs off for good should be Soundgarden’s “Big Dumb Sex,” which contains the chorus, “Yeah I know what to do/ I’m gonna f*ck you/ F*ck you!” That’s about the closest thing we’ll have to a dirty finger.

This is—was-- NU107, the Home of New Rock. Referring to it in the past tense still saddens me. I, too, used to have issues with its playlist, though very few and middling; thanks to the fog of years (and the onset of the mist of wisdom, whatever that means). But the fact it was the only one of its kind on the airwaves. It’s the only one with the balls to hang on to an all-rock playlist for the past 23 years. It is narrow-minded to regard it as the “mainstream” or “establishment”—in an industry where it is too tempting to play Britney Spears and Lady Gaga. Every time it decides to stick to playing something with a power chord it is not making money. It’s been a corporate social responsibility for far too long. Sooner or later it would inevitably kowtow to fundamental realities—the economics of advertising revenues, changing demographic, competition from new technology, etc . Neil Young said it’s better to burn out than fade away. Twenty three years is definitely a noble run.

Talk has it that the station will be taken over by the same company that operates Energy FM—which imposed on the national consciousness the phrases “Hi Panga!” “Joke, joke, joke,” and “Meh ganun?!!” Look, I’m rock and roll, but this is just too rock and roll for me. To those about to rock, we salute you, but good luck finding a place in the airwaves that’ll play your stuff.

kailan lang, bored na kami nila ate so hello scrabble (and absolut kurant!). actually yung cheap version ng scrabble pala called "word for word". but we had to settle with what we have--meron sya letter tiles and the board then we're good to go.

kulang kami sa practice, sige pagbigyan. throughout the game, meron "wow ang taas ng score mo!" moments; meron din "sorry pero eto lang kaya ko ma-form" moments (tatlong letra lang. ay kawawa). kung naalala nyo pa rules ng scrabble, good. kung hindi, konting refresher at sasabihin ko narin kung bakit ang buhay, parang scrabble. =)

hindi sa lahat ng oras, ikaw ang una
Sa simula ng laro, bubunot ang bawat player ng isang tile para sa 'first play'. ang player na may letrang pinakamalapit sa simula ng alphabet ang mauuna tumira. Lahat ng player gusto mauna sa scrabble dahil doble kaagad ang score ng word na ilalagay nila. meron ka kaagad 'leverage' sa simula palang. Pero kung ikaw ang susunod pa na player, sa simula palang ng laro, pinapagisip ka na. how will you connect the letters that you have to the word that's already on the board and in turn, form a word na makakabawi kaagad sa score?
Kaya parang sa buhay, hindi sa lahat ng oras ikaw ang una---ang bida. Kaya always be prepared with a back-up plan kasi it's not all the time that things will go your way. At your prime, you may have the best things anyone could ever have but remember, God has his ways for you to learn, things can go from hero to zero for you. That's why it's better to plan ahead and think of ways para makabawi. Like in scrabble, it may take you some time to think of a new plan(word) but it's fine, because at the end of your turn, malay mo you get a triple letter score or better--triple word score! So if you come as second or third or even the last player, ok lang, siguro hindi mo lang talaga oras nun. But you'll get there. If plan A doesn't work just remember, there are 25 more letters of the alphabet.

make do with what you have
Buong laro, dapat lagi 7 ang tiles mo. Kapag meron ka ginamit na apat sa board, apat din ang ibubunot mo para makabalik sa 7. Minsan ang mabubunot mo puro vowels o kaya puro consonant. diba ang hirap mag-form ng word? Pero wala ka naman magagawa, yan ang nabunot mo kaya make do with what you have. Bawal ang magbalik ng tile.
Kaya kung ano ibato ng buhay sayo, take it as a challenge. You can't always get what you want so might as well settle with what you have. Ganun talaga. You can't be selfish kasi wala lang magandang nadudulot yun.
Sa relationships naman, "you can't be happy in a relationship if you're not happy being single". Kung maraming bagay na kaya mo gawin mag-isa at nag-eenjoy ka na, what more pa if you have someone to share it with? edi double the happiness. Kasi you learned to appreciate the simple things even when you're alone. Sharing it with someone just doubles the fun. Kaya kapag sawang-sawa ka na sa vowels, malay mo ang 'Q' na mahirap gawan ng word (at kating-kati ka na tanggalin sya) mapunta sa triple letter score, edi win! Mahirap gamitin pero naappreciate mo sya sa score na nabigay nya sa'yo. (Q: 10pts x 3 = 30pts!)
Life isn't about getting what you want it's about loving what you have and appreciating how it defines you.

you have to learn to let go
dahil limited ang letters na pwede mo gamitin, minsan kailangan mo mamili ng maigi kung ano ang gagawin. Yung kapatid ko, nakabunot ng 'Z', 10pts kagad yun! pero gusto sana nya gamitin sa mas mahaba na salita o patamain sa double/triple letter score. Ilang tira na ang nakalipas, nakatengga parin si 'Z' dahil nag aantay parin ng oppurtunity si kapatid. Pero nung wala na talaga sya matira, she had to settle for "ZOO". maikli, simple, parang hindi pinag-isipan---pero tama. ilan pts nakuha nya? 26pts. pwede na for a 3-letter word. pero nakakapang hinayang ang 10pts nya, sana nagamit mo sa triple letter score o sa mas mahabang word ang 'Z', pero hindi. you have to learn to let go kasi walang mangyayari sayo if you keep holding on to one thing, thinking someday, somehow you will get something more out of it. meron hangganan ang pasensya. minsan kailganan mo pakawalan ang isang bagay kasi baka meron dadating na mas OK. sa scrabble, better letters pa makukuha mo at mas mataas na score. was pilitin ang ayaw. kung hindi kay meant ng letter 'Z', let it go.
sa relationships, simple lang yan. kung napanood mo ang one more chance: "baka kaya tayo iniiwan ng mga taong mahal naten, kase baka merong bagong darating na mas OK, na mas mamahalin tayo, yung taong hindi tayo sasaktan at paaasahin, yung nagiisang taong magtatama ng mali sa buhay naten, nang lahat ng mali sa buhay mo.."
chos!

learn to look at the big picture
Minsan mauunahan ka pa ng ibang player maglagay ng tiles sa spot na gusto mo--lagot, saan mo ngayon ilalagay yung una mo na naisip? diba nga, always have a back-up plan. pero hindi mo ito magagawa if you don't look at the whole board at 'wow, marami pa pala pwede paglagyan'. sa buhay, you always have to remember that there are bigger and better things out there for you. don't get stuck in a rut just because your life went downhill---it's not the end. sure, you get a free pass to sulk and be sullen for some time but after a while, it gets tiring. pati mga tao na nakapaligid at tumutulong sayo, mapapagod din. so try to look at the big picture and see how blessed you really are. kapag nagawa mo yan, dun ka lang makakahanap ng saya at syempre peace of mind. oha oha

kapag ikaw ang unang nakaubos ng tiles, edi WIN!
winning depends on how you played the game. hindi mo naman kailangan maging genius para manalo. saktong diskarte lang yan at minsan konting luck. so when you've finally accepted things as they are, winner ang buhay mo. that way you learned to stand up and move on. and when you've finally found happiness and peace of mind, ang sarap ng feeling and it simply gives you a big smile on your face. :D


lu

in respect to my past, i have decided to start a new blog for my future. just because. :)